ANAHEIM, CA — In a bold display of corporate self-delusion, Disney CEO Josh D’Amaro took the stage at D23 Day One and spent the bulk of his presentation talking about movies and television, as if the company still primarily made entertainment instead of selling $18 popcorn buckets shaped like characters no one remembers from the actual films.
Insiders confirm the parks and experiences division continues to generate the overwhelming majority of Disney’s actual net income. Sources close to the churro carts note that, until very recently, Disney Parks were still turning more pure profit from fried dough sticks than the entire Disney+ streaming operation. Yet leadership persists in the charming fantasy that they are a sophisticated storytelling studio rather than the world’s most successful theme park operator that occasionally releases movies as marketing collateral.
One anonymous park operations executive was practically giddy about the disconnect. “Every time they announce another live-action remake, our churro sales spike 12 percent and the popcorn bucket pre-orders crash the app. They’re out there talking about ‘the future of cinema’ while we’re back here calculating how many more plastic lightsabers we can move before the next hurricane season. It’s adorable. Let them keep thinking they’re artists.”
A second official, speaking on condition of anonymity near the Space Mountain loading area, added: “We make more money in one good weekend of Lightning Lane sales than most of their prestige dramas will ever see. But sure, go ahead and spend twenty minutes talking about the new Star Wars series. We’ll be over here counting the money from the Mickey-shaped beignets.”
The situation has been compared by industry observers to a successful older businessman who married a much younger second wife primarily for her looks. He keeps introducing her at parties as “my brilliant partner in strategy and vision,” while she mostly just looks pretty, posts aesthetic photos, and occasionally tries to weigh in on the quarterly earnings call with ideas that make the actual money-makers quietly exchange glances. Disney leadership, in this analogy, remains convinced the studio is the brains of the operation. The parks division just keeps smiling, selling more churros, and making the actual profit.
Meanwhile, a vocal contingent of Disney Adults expressed deep distress that the new slate of live-action announcements might create “character confusion” in the parks. “If they put a more realistic version of Jasmine in the movie, what happens to the one we’ve been taking selfies with for fifteen years?” demanded one tearful attendee in a $400 limited-edition Spirit Jersey. “Does the park version become non-canon? Will my emotional support popcorn bucket lose its authenticity? This is erasure.”
Another fan, already drafting a strongly worded open letter, worried that updated character designs could undermine years of carefully curated Instagram content. “I’ve built my entire personality around the current park versions. If the movies change them, do I have to start over? Will my friends still respect my annual passholder status?”
As D23 continues, park officials remain quietly optimistic. “As long as they keep making movies that drive people into the parks to buy the merch,” one said, “they can call themselves whatever they want. We’ll just keep frying the churros.”
